Note: The information on this page is from The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance. Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood PsyD, Jeffrey Brantley MD

Try this Exercise:

1) Put the feeling into words: ________________

2) What do you want the other person to change?
More of _________
Less of __________
Stop doing ______
Start doing ______
When ___________
Where __________
Frequency ______

3) Now put all of this information into one or more clear sentences:

__________________________________
__________________________________

The problem with getting clear and specific about your desires is that it brings up anxiety. Do you deserve to ask for things? Do you dare trouble people with your needs? Are you allowed to disappoint, to annoy, to push people to make an effort on your behalf? The answer is YES. And the reason is that you are a human being who feels, who yearns for things, who hurts, who struggles with moments of pain. All of this entitles you to be heard.

Unfortunately, many people grow up in families that invalidate their needs. And all their lives they feel afraid to ask for things — as if they were bad or undeserving, as if their feelings and pain had no importance.

To remind you of your value and importance as a human being — know these legitimate rights you have …

LEGITIMATE RIGHTS

You have a right to need things from others.

You have a right to put yourself first sometimes.

You have a right to feel and express your emotions or your pain.

You have the right to feel and express your emotions or your pain.

You have the right to be the final judge of your beliefs and accept them as legitimate.

You have the right to your opinions and convictions.

You have the right to your experience— even if it’s different from that of other people.

You have a right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you

You have a right to negotiate for change.

You have a right to ask for help, emotional support, or anything else you need (even though you may not always get it).

You have the right to say no; saying no doesn’t make you bad or selfish.

You have a right not to justify yourself to others.

You have a right to not take responsibility for someone else’s problem.

You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation.

You have a right, sometimes, to inconvenience or disappoint others.

List the rights that are most important or liberating to you somewhere and put it someplace where you’ll see it frequently to remind yourself of your RIGHTS.