Interpersonal Effectiveness

D E A R M A N – Skills for communicating with others in a clear and effective manner.

Describe- Describe your needs in a clear and direct manner.

Express - Let others know how a situation makes you feel by clearly expressing your feelings. Don’t expect others to read your mind. Try using this line: “I feel ___ because ___.”

Assert - Don’t beat around the bush—say what you need to say. Don’t say: “Oh, well, I don’t know if I can cook tonight or not.” Do say: “I won’t be able to cook because I’m working late.”

Reinforce - Reward people who respond well, and reinforce why your desired outcome is positive. This can be as simple as a smile and a “thank you”.

Mindful - Don’t forget the objective of the interaction. It can be easy to get sidetracked into harmful arguments and lose focus.

Appear - Appear confident. Consider your posture, tone, eye contact, and body language

Negotiate - No one can have everything they want out of an interaction all the time. Be open to negotiation. Do say: “If you wash the dishes, I’ll put them away.”

Self-Respect Effectiveness (F.A.S.T.)

Sometimes in relationships you might find yourself betraying your own values and beliefs to receive approval or to get what you want. The acronym F.A.S.T. will help you achieve self-respect effectiveness.

Fair - Be fair. Not only to others, but also to yourself.

Apologies - Don’t apologize unless it’s warranted. Don’t apologize for making a request, having an opinion, or disagreeing.

Stick to Values - Don’t compromise your values just to be liked or to get what you want. Stand up for what you believe in.

Truthful - Avoid dishonesty such as exaggeration, acting helpless as a form of manipulation, or outright lying.