Processing Grief
Today’s Healing Reflection is a safe place to come NEAR your grief and move toward healing. This week’s episodes are looking at the teachings of Therese Rando, a clinical psychologist in Rhode Island, who has focused on bereavement, anticipatory grief, and traumatic loss. She uses alliteration to help clinicians and mourners recognize activities to work through in the mourning process. She suggested six activities or processes that are important in adapting to a loss. These are: Recognizing, Reacting, Remembering, Relinquishing, Readjusting, and Reinvesting.
Remember, while educators have made an effort to create some structure for the grieving process, grief should not be task-oriented. When discussing “stages” or “tasks” of grief, these are not meant to be done in a linear or orderly fashion. These stages or tasks of grief are merely intended to give you a way to talk about where you are in your grief, and are common experiences that are shared by many in mourning a loss. Grief can increase feelings of isolation, loneliness, depression, anxiety and so much more. It can be helpful understanding that your grief experience, while uniquely yours, may have some similarities with others. Sometimes this connection can help you feel less alone on your grief journey.
People grieving may move through these grief stages or processes randomly and there is no expectation to fit a “norm” when grieving. Individuals need to be allowed to grieve at their own pace, in their own way, and move through the process in the way that meets their needs.
Set an intention to consider how your loss is unique to you.
NOTICE
Notice how Therese Rando’s task of “Recognizing” your loss impacts you. RECOGNIZING the loss involves acknowledging the death and beginning to make meaning of the event. Notice what this activity in the mourning process means to you. What does it mean to acknowledge your loss? Are you ready to consider the meaning of this life change? It is okay not to be there yet.
EMOTIONS
How do you feel right now? Sometimes after a significant loss, we might feel numb or nothing at all. Or we might feel flooded by many emotions all at once. This is just a reminder to acknowledge how you are feeling. Pushing emotions away is not often the best strategy. By pushing them down or ignoring them, they are more likely to come out sideways or rushing up all at once. This can cause you to feel less in control of your emotions than before. Sometimes we need to distract ourselves for a time, and then create a space to feel the big emotions. This is where keeping a journal is helpful. Name the emotion to tame it. Label your emotion without judging it. Validate how you feel because this is how you feel today. There is no judgment.
ACTION
Today’s activity is to recognize where you are at in your loss today. Take a moment and feel the floor beneath your feet. Press your heels into the floor or the ground and feel supported. Now put your right hand on your heart and feel the warmth of your hand over your heart. Cross your left arm over the right one and allow yourself to feel the warmth and comfort of your arms across your chest. Let’s do some deep breathing. Just allow this to be your safe space to allow any emotions to roll through you. Take a deep breath in so that your stomach rises, hold for 3 counts, and slow and controlled exhale. Again, take a deep breath in so that your stomach rises, hold for 3 counts, and slow and controlled exhale. Allow your shoulders to relax. Notice your feet on the ground, press your heels into the floor or the ground. Now take a moment and press your toes down. Alternate the pressure from your toes to your heels, feeling the warmth of your arms across your chest. Know that you are supported, and you are not alone.
REFLECT
What does recognizing your loss mean to you? How can recognizing the meaning of your loss help you move through your loss? Take a moment and notice the room around you. How do things look different through your eyes in your new circumstances? Reflect on what brings you comfort. At times of loss, it is so important to have a way to self-soothe or calm yourself. Is it a fuzzy blanket, a warm sweater, a cup of tea or hot cocoa? Just notice what would bring you comfort and allow yourself to do that today.
Thank you for listening. Have a beautiful day where you find comfort in the simple pleasures.
Note: The audio's background music (“The Secret Waterfall”) is provided by: https://www.purple-planet.com. Images provided by Canva.com